When will it stop hurting so much? Many of the people we see at Family Therapy Associates tell us that the pain of losing a loved one is unbearable. Some say they find it hard to breathe, others say they feel like it is a bad dream and they are waiting to wake up. Many say they are “just numb” others feel “splintered” and some say they will never be the same again.

If you have experienced the death of a loved one you may identify with one or more of those comments or you may express your pain entirely differently. You also know that this may be one of the most difficult and stressful times of your life.

Whether your loss is recent or some time has passed since the death, your feelings and emotions are valid. How many well meaning suggestions have you heard on how you should “move on or get over it”? Loss is personal, so is healing.

So how are you feeling? Ask yourself the following questions:

•  Am I experiencing sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, or despair?
•  Am I feeling alone and isolated even when I am with others?
•  Am I experiencing changes in my sleep patterns?
•  Am I experiencing changes in my appetite?
•  Am I feeling numbness and shock?

If you answered “yes” to some or all of these questions remember that it is “normal” to experience these emotions as part of the grieving process. So if it is “normal” how will you know that it is time to seek professional help?

•  Are you unable to cope with daily routines?
•  You just don’t “feel” anything?
•  Have you been grieving for over a year?
•  Are you feeling sad all of the time?
•  Are you experiencing suicidal thoughts?
•  Is there a major change in your weight (either loss    or gain)?
•  Are you having continual difficulty sleeping?
•  Has food lost its taste?
•  Are you experiencing prolonged emotional distress?
•  Are you feeling that friends and even family are    “losing patience”?

Perhaps now you are wondering “how” professional help would be useful for you.

Many of our clients tell us that we have been helpful because:

• We listen to their story, their experience and their pain.
• We are interested in their relationship with the person who died, and how their religious, cultural, and personal beliefs affect the way they experience grief for their loved one.
• We understand the impact this has on the entire family and we help them get through this very difficult time by offering a supportive, caring, and non-judgmental environment.
• We offer possibilities for healing yet respect their right to choose “what fits for them”.
• We respect that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve and that everyone copes with loss in their own way and at their own pace.
• We are “there” when well meaning family and friends are too close to the situation to be helpful …

If this has touched you or someone you love remember it is very important to seek out people who understand your loss. You have cherished memories with your loved one that hopefully will offer you comfort. The process of bereavement will not happen quickly. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve your loss, and create a special place in your heart to keep your memories alive.

One more note. We have focused on grief and loss of a loved one. This may include a family member, a friend, or even a cherished family pet. Loss and Grief knows no boundaries.

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